Ianto Suicide (Angst)
by christine.liddle.397
Summary: After cyberwoman Ianto trys to take his own life, can anyone save him?


Blood, Metal, Pain. The images flash before my eyes, before I wake with a start. Its still dark, I lie still in my bed for a moment, my body tenses as I remember what happened. They shot her. My team. My so-called friends. They pumped bullets into her as I stood and watched. I get up slowly and stretch, I look at my clock, I've only slept two hours. Not that it matters. Its not as if I want to look my best. No work today, at least that's something. I pour a glass of water, and slowly start to sip it. The cold liquid feels strange down my throat, but then so does everything. I haven't eaten, I haven't slept much, I haven't spoken to anyone since that night. That doesn't matter. Because, my name is Ianto Jones and today's the day I die.

I know you probably think, what reason could I have to kill my self. What reason do I have to live? Things were bad since the battle. I stood in line as the Cybermen led my girlfriend into a conversion unit, I listened to her screams, I heard her pain. Suddenly all the Cybermen were literally sucked away by something, I don't know what. I ran to Lisa. I saw her body, mangled, bleeding, broken. I screamed for help but nobody came. I took her home, and went back for the conversion unit. I kept her alive. It wasn't an easy relationship, but I had to save her, I loved her. I got a job at Torchwood, and hid her in the basement. They never knew for years. And then they had to come back at the moment when I could've had saved her properly. They killed her. Who? Torchwood, of course. That's all they do. Kill. Destroy. Ruin your life. Even Suzie went mad in the end. And before Jack led the team, the leader shot himself and his team. In the end, no one survives Torchwood. And that's why I choose to go now, on my own terms, my choice.

Overdose, hanging, suffocation, jumping off a bridge? So many choices... I think hanging is the easiest and fastest, I can do it here. I grab some rope from the cupboard and tie a good noose. I've never tied a noose before, strange when you think about it, tying a noose I mean. Where to attach it though, what will be strong enough to take my weight? I look around my cold apartment. My eyes fix on the bar I had installed to do pull ups. I don't work out much, but sometimes I make the effort. I tie the noose as tight as I can, I don't want the rope to snap off. This cant fail. I walk over the kitchenette and grab a fold up chair that's leaning against it. I place it under the rope. I slowly climb onto the chair, grab the rope. I put the noose over my head and tighten it until i feel the rope against my throat. Then without even thinking about it I straighten my tie and brush a fleck of dust from my shoulder. Hmmpph at least I'll look good for the coroners...I take a deep breath, and kick the chair over from under me.

I cant breathe, the ropes so tight. I can't, I can't. I struggle to keep my eyes open and then I fall into the overwhelming darkness.

"Welcome back." I hear someones voice. I open my eyes slowly. Its Jack. I stumble to my feet and back away from him. "What happened? What went wrong? Why am I still here? Why are you here?" I ask him quickly. Jack looks at me. With pity. I don't want his pity. He shot my girlfriend, he ordered the team to kill her. Bastard. "You tried to kill yourself. You didn't do it properly, in the old days when they hung people they tied the knot slightly differently. So it would cleanly break the neck immediately. You didn't. You suffocated yourself. You passed out. I found you hanging there, I untied you, and well gave you CPR. Now if your gonna try to kill yourself, do it properly eh?" he laughs. That's so like Jack, trying to be funny, ease the mood. Make me feel better. YOU SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND YOU BASTARD! The voice screams inside my head. "Why...why did u save me?" I stutter. He walks over to me. "Because no matter what happened, your part of my team, I am responsible for you, for all of this. I don't want your death on my conscience. I don't want you dead full stop. Your a good man Ianto. You were blinded by love and anger. Its not worth it." he tells me.

"Who are you to decide when I die? I want to die now. Anything would be better than this pain. And its your fault. Torchwood. Torchwood London let in the Cybermen, Torchwood Cardiff shot my girlfriend. You and your fucking morals Jack! You think it was the right thing to shoot her? To save me? ITS NOT UP TO YOU TO CHOOSE" I scream at him. I fall onto an armchair and start to cry. I don't want jack to see me like this. "Leave" I order him. "No" he replies. "I am staying here until I know you wont do something stupid, months if I have to. I am staying here with you..."


End file.
